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Team TIAA-CREF - 2005

Team Journal Entry - February 2, 2005, by Todd Yezefski

Never say 'never'

Todd Yezefski had planned to stop racing this year and concentrate on his postgraduate work in cancer research, a career path inspired by the death from cancer last year of his friend and mentor, legendary coach Alaric Gayfer. So what's he doing pounding the trainer during a snowy Chicago winter to prepare for yet another season?

Todd rides with his TIAA-CREF team-mates in 2004
Photo ©: Beth Seliga
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It's been snowing here in Chicago and I'm writing this in the computer lab of the science library at the University of Chicago. I hate computer labs, but, unfortunately, I was forced here by the untimely death of my hard drive. I never thought these things ever actually happened, but apparently they do.

That destroyed the first version of this journal, but from what I remember, I was complaining heavily about the weather. A snowstorm that ended up dropping a foot of snow had just started. I like snow, but there's not much use for it in Chicago, where there aren't any mountains for skiing. It's just a nuisance that results in my spending an hour digging my car out and not being able to ride outside for a few days. Well, actually, I've only ridden outside twice since January 1. Either there's snow all over the roads, or it's about 10° with a 20 mph wind--not exactly ideal riding weather. What that results in is way too much time spent on the trainer watching "SportsCenter", "Cold Pizza", and "The Price Is Right."

While riding on the trainer can't compare to spinning along the Lake Michigan shoreline, I'm certainly no stranger to it. And truthfully, I really don't mind it. I spent the last four years at Dartmouth College in New Hampshire, which, by comparison, has much worse winters. People often ask me why I chose Chicago for grad school over places like Stanford or UCSD. I guess first is the Cancer Biology program that I'm in. It's tough to beat the faculty, research, and facilities. After my coach, mentor, and friend Alaric Gayfer was diagnosed with cancer, I knew that cancer research was my calling, and this seemed like the perfect place to pursue it. Second, I really never planned on racing in 2005. 2004 was supposed to be my last year of racing-I had decided that at the end of 2003.

Time trialling
Photo ©: Beth Seliga
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Leading a break
Photo ©: Beth Seliga
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Looking relaxed before a race
Photo ©: Beth Seliga
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Enjoying the moment
Photo ©: Beth Seliga
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I began my racing career as a track sprinter at T-Town in Pennsylvania. I quickly found success, culminating with a 7th place in the kilo at the 2000 Junior Worlds. Even though I would be going to school in New Hampshire, I thought I could keep up with everyone who raced and trained on the track full time. I wanted to be one of the top sprinters in the country, and perhaps even make it onto the international scene. However, I frustratingly came to the realization that would not be happening anytime soon. I performed decently at Nats in 2001, but there was no way I could reach the top and continue at Dartmouth. While there, though, I discovered a new love - road racing. The little road racing I did as a junior rider consisted of crits of no more than 20 miles and maybe one actual road race a year. It was just something to do in the spring to get in shape for the track season, really. Now, I was racing the whole season on the road, and having a great time. The collegiate racing atmosphere and great teammates I had at Dartmouth helped cultivate this passion, too. The 2002 and 2003 seasons, I put almost all of my effort into the road, and I actually won quite a few local and collegiate races.

The 2003 season progressed and I kept adding more and more victories to my resume, but I began to lost motivation. It was a struggle to get myself off the couch and onto my bike. Every day was the same old thing. To add to the frustration, I missed all the great fall riding in New Hampshire due to a freak accident with a dog. (He made it out okay. I ended up in the hospital and wearing a brace on my arm for the next month.) 2004, I knew, would be my last year racing. It was time to focus on my future off the bike.

I went through the paces that winter in training, and could tell that this season wasn't going to be my best. I was focusing on endurance track and crits, and could do decently, but I was always a step behind where I was in 2003. Somehow, though, I ended up having a great ride at Collegiate Nationals in May and landing a spot on TIAA-CREF as "Lucky #13." Suddenly, my motivation was sky high, and I had no trouble pushing myself to the max in training and racing. It didn't last long, though, and by mid-summer I was back in my slump. I was struggling in the stage races that I suddenly found myself racing. I hadn't planned on racing 80-120 mile days back to back, and had never done it before in my life. It could be fun at times, but I was frustrated and more ready to quit than ever.

Then came Espoir Nats. That road race, when I helped to drive the break along with my other teammates and propel Ian MacGregor to the win, was one of the most fulfilling races of my entire career. It just plain felt good. Of course, it had my mind now thinking that maybe I could race in 2005. On top of how I felt myself, I had people telling me that they'd like me back on the team the next year and that there was no way I could stop racing. It just wasn't plausible.

It didn't take much to convince me, and fortunately, it wasn't just a passing feeling. Here I am, in late January, the depths of the Chicago winter, and I'm more excited than ever to hop on the trainer for four hours of monotony. It doesn't even make sense to me, but I can't complain. I'm looking forward to a great season with a great team, and I have a new drive that will push me through the entire year.

I sometimes look back and think about what would have happened if I had chosen to stay focused on track racing and not gone to Dartmouth. Maybe I could have been in Athens in 2004, but maybe not. Sometimes I think I regret my decision, but I can't complain about what I have accomplished. In fact, I'm very happy with the path I have chosen. In a way, I was at that same crossroad at the end of this past summer. Instead of choosing on one thing over the other, I'm again trying to race on top of school. Will it be tough? You bet, but I know I can handle it. I know how to succeed, and I just couldn't let this opportunity pass me by.

I also felt that I had Alaric there by my side once again, helping me to make this decision. Alaric always wanted us to do the best we could in all that we did, and I believe that I am on my way to achieving this. Alaric died on June 8, 2004, and I hope that I am making him proud.