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May 2, 2004
Tour de Georgia
By Lionel Putz, Esq.
Episode 2: An offer you can't refuse
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"The implications are clear. It's right out of The Godfather. If I do this favour for you, someday I will come to you and ask you to return the favour and you will do so and not ask why." |
When we left you, Jonathan "JV" Vaughters was about to ask Johan Bruyneel for a 10 speed Shimano chain so we could fix Timmy Duggan's climbing bike.
Now, JV is the kind of guy who could charm the skin off a snake. He's that smooth. I'm always optimistic when JV tries this stuff.
Apart from Lance Armstrong, Johan is probably the most important person at this race. He's the guy that LA hand-picked as directeur sportif for US Postal and Johan is the guy who convinced LA to train specifically for the Tour de France. He is important. We are insignificant. Luckily, JV rode for Johan, so they are old friends.
We pull up next to Johan, who's in the car with all the tinted windows up, alone except for the team mechanic, Juan, in the back seat. We all have our windows down and smile and wave to Johan like we just stopped by for a casual chat since he looked lonesome. Johan rolls down the window and JV asks "hey, Johan, any chance you have an extra 10 speed Shimano chain? We have a rider with a broken chain." Johan turns to Juan, the team mechanic, and Juan climbs over into the back of the Subaru and emerges with a chain. We think we're golden! Johan is a stud. But then Juan says something to Johan, and Johan turns to us and says "I only have one," then silence. We all look at each other taking in the implications. Then Johan says what we are all thinking: "If I give you this, I'm screwed."
We clearly understand Johan's dilemma. He's happy to help us, but LA is leading the race. Johan doesn't leave anything to chance. He covers every detail. LA is going to win his sixth TdF in nine weeks and we have the temerity to ask him for his last chain? Who do we think we are? We are trying to survive the race. If LA breaks a chain and wants it fixed and there is no chain that is a bad, bad thing. Even if George Hincapie, or even worse, Mike Creed, breaks a chain, that is a headache Johan does not want. I don't want him to have it either, because I imagine every time he sees me he will immediately think, "that is one of those chain guys from the National Team."
The implications are clear. It's right out of The Godfather. If I do this favour for you, someday I will come to you and ask you to return the favour and you will do so and not ask why. Plus, if something goes wrong today, you will take all the heat. I picture us explaining to the press that we needed the chain for Craig Lewis' hospital bed or some other horrible lie to try to make ourselves look better. Then I flash to that scene where the guy wakes up with a horse head in his bed. My head is voting, "we appreciate the thought, Johan, but don't want to put you in an awkward position." Of course, JV, Mr. Optimism, says "thank, Johan, we appreciate it," and we take the chain from his hand.
My head is spinning. Time seems to speed up. JV has it under control. First, we fix Tim's bike and then we find a chain for Johan ASAP. We immediately pull over. Kevin and I get the bike off the roof and start putting the new chain on. Kevin has it on in seconds. We flick the gears, throw it on the roof, and hit the road. For the first time, I realize JV has no idea how the wheel clamps on the roof rack work, as he tells Kevin he didn't tighten the front because he didn't want to mess it up (man, I wish I'd been lucky enough to have people hand me new bikes my whole career).
We call Tim back for the bike change. This time it goes off without a hitch. I have the bike on the rack with enough slack in the rear wheel so that Kevin can get the frame clamp on and we are on the road.
But we need a chain. Remember those Mavic neutral service guys I told you about? They are gods in ugly yellow uniforms. We drop back to ask them for ideas and discover they have found a chain. Not only that, they agree to deliver it to Johan for us personally.
I think everyone was relieved because at the next corner we pull over to take our one leak of the day, and Johan stops right next to us and is all smiles. We're all peeing over the edge and all seems right with the world. My bladder never felt gladder.
Colby packs
Back to the race. We're getting news that Colby may have packed. He's been struggling and this was a long day, hot, and covered with hills. The banking on the track is much shorter. In retrospect, probably unfair to put Colby in this position considering the kind of training he's doing. Sounds like he climbed off at the second feed.
Other than crashing, climbing off is about the worst feeling in cycling. It's painful, embarrassing (although it shouldn't be), and depressing. Suddenly, you feel like you don't belong. Everybody is better than you. No fun. Then there is the gratuitous "official" humiliation of having some commie take your number away. Then they announce on race radio "rider number this and such had retired." Everybody looks to see if it's somebody important, so everyone knows you packed. Really the worst part is the broom wagon. If you can't get into a friendly team vehicle, you've gotta ride the bus at the end of the race. You feel like you are a loser on display. Especially if you are feeling ill, this is no place to be. Try to lie down and sleep.
JV lies on the radio
JV has one other interesting habit. He chronically lies on the radio to the team. I've asked him why, and his theory is that if you just tell the guys its 1km to the top they'll go one more kilometre. If you tell them its 3km, they'll pack. On the steep climbs he's throwing out wildly optimistic numbers. I ask Kevin "doesn't everybody have a computer on their bike?" He confirms. So they must know that JV is lying to them, right? Seems to me they would have figured it out pretty quickly. What happens when it's really 1km to the top and you want them to haul arse? They'll think it's really 3km and keep trudging. Hey, he's the DS, not me. I'm lucky to be in the car.
JV nearly kills us on the descent
JV is also a maniac in the car on descents. He thinks he's on a bike. We're going at some ungodly speed down these miles of twisting roads and I'm just holding on for dear life. When you're in the back seat, you can't really wear a seat belt, since you have to get out of the car for wheel or bike changes. I'm doing my best to stay out of Kevin's lap, but the G forces make it difficult. I ask whether I should put my knee out for balance. Good thing I'd peed earlier or I would have done it then.
Everyone knows Jonathan
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As we hit the big climbs, another strange phenomenon occurs. Everyone, and I mean everyone, recognizes Jonathan and calls out his name. Keep in mind, we are in the middle of nowhere just a few miles from the South Carolina border. Every two minutes someone yells, "Jonathan!" Well, I'd been in the car before when Jonathan was driving and had never noticed this phenomenon. Then JV reveals that he actually has relative from this area and the tumblers fall into place. Inbreeding. I say to Charles, the Athens newspaper guy "I heard that inbreeding wasn't invented in Georgia, but it was perfected here." He says, "No, that's Alabama." Still I start to notice a common resemblance among those calling out JV's name. Then I realize we've gone up the same climb twice. What a relief. Turns out JV is just famous and you just can't hear people yelling at him on the descents over the sound of your own screaming.
Best young rider - Kevin Bouchard-Hall
It turned out to be a pretty good day for the team. Kevin Bouchard-Hall captured the best young rider jersey and held it until the end of the race. KBH was climbing with a big pack of pros on the last big hill. He did a great ride. I kept picturing Craig right in there with him. What a shame.
Not to denigrate KBH's efforts, but I'm not exactly sure how many guys in the race that weren't on our team were even in a position to place as best young rider. It did sort of seem like we were just swapping the jersey among the team.
Like Kirsten Gum, I never really understood that jersey either.
Lance nearly runs over my wife
It's been a long day and my wife has graciously picked me up in Dahlonega. We watch the podium presentation as we're walking to our car. I use up my last pictures of LA on the podium and we keep walking. Next, I hear a bunch of screaming and I see my wife jump. LA rides by on the sidewalk right between us and he's being chased by 20 people. Suddenly, we're in the middle of a stampede. Apparently, the press conference is going to be in the movie theatre right in front of us. Of course, I'm out of film, so we just run like hell.
What a Day
A long day for Lionel. I fell asleep in the car and then proceeded to sleep 16 hours straight. Odds of making it to the next day's finish at Brasstown Bald? Minimal. Sixteen hours of sleep? Priceless.
